Friendship is an illusion - or not?
As a child I had big dreams. I was a big fan of Dolly Parton, and often imagined that I would also become a country singer later, with the corresponding bosom (both dreams never came true). Maybe it's because of my roots: I was born in Austin, Texas. My parents lived in America for 8 years and my oldest sister and I were born there. When I was not yet two years old, we moved back to the Netherlands. We lived in Reeuwijk, later in Mijdrecht. I had a nice childhood. Of course there were struggles in our family, but I think that only made me wiser. I can count myself lucky: I realize that all too well. Every house has its cross, but one has more baggage than the other.
When I was eleven, I was bullied a lot at school. My best friend had moved and lived near a classmate, with whom she cycled to school from that moment on. They became friends, and the classmate didn't want me there. As a result, she not only excluded me from the friendship with my bestie, but I allowed the whole class to exclude me.
I say I let it happen, because on closer inspection that was really the case. I wanted nothing more than to remain friends with my bff, and was not at all open to new friendships. And that had consequences…. Except for a few children, no one wanted to play with me. It was a hard lesson, which lasted a school year, but at a much later age I gained so much insight from it that I am still grateful for it. Sometimes you are responsible for what happens to you, and that was really the case for me. I had a choice of 30 children, but wanted to be friends with 1. It happened to me again later: in high school I was close friends with a girl who lived near us. We did everything together. Going out, playing sports (running, and getting fries right afterwards), hanging out, and going to school. I didn’t want any of that to change. Until she fell in love: of course I suddenly wasn’t that important anymore. I was on my own again. I had put all my 'money' on that one friendship, and that turned out to be a bad choice. I apparently needed this lesson twice.
I can be alone incredibly well, I even need it very much, but I cannot live without connection with others. Connection is super important to me. As a photographer, that is a great advantage. I do everything I can to connect with you. But at the same time I am super sensitive to your boundaries (if I were to cross them, I would certainly not connect with you). So every life lesson has its advantages. I don't know if I would have ended up in the same place without these lessons. And the place where I am: it fits me like a glove.
